A Confession.

Low self-esteem? Do not worry, a lot of us have been there too. I used to feel like this old, big, rusty, hollow pipe that nothing good, wether dead, alive or non living passes through. I was scared by this strange feeling of transparency within, that everyone can see right through me. This really accelarated my anxiety.

Self Esteem – a word derived from two words, Self and Esteem. Self in this case means your own self. To esteem means to value or show concern. So it is really about how you view yourself. It might be your image outlook, your body, your inner self etc.

Allow me to pose this question.

How would you feel about yourself if you were seated next to a street kid. What if a billionaire sat next to you. Lemme guess – in the first scenario you wouldn’t in fact care but in the second one, most people would feel tense, why? Because most of us are defined by things. How good is your self concept?

Let me carry on with my short story. The idea of going to public places, especially those that require you to be social would scare me. Parties and events were a no-go-zone for me.

I never used to trust my decisions. I heavily judged them before they got to see the light of day. As a result, I learnt to keep my quiet and even if I ever spoke I felt ignored even if that was not the case. ‘I am the guy without a voice anyway’. You know those really invicible guys in your life?! Yes, I felt like those.Everything I owned, position I was, everything I liked- I mean everything about me was trash. Atleast to me.

As a result I went through life hiding alot of my life away from the world. I would make up stories so that people would like me because I hadn’t liked myself. I would lie so that people would accept me because I hadn’t accepted myself. I spent so much of life struggling to hide myself rather than really participating in life itself.

My whole life felt uncomfortable because something was missing. I was living life as somebody else. My authentic self was hidden away and life was too hard, and it always is, under the pressure to conform to expectations of both family and society. One thing was therapeutic…staying alone. I found peace in staying alone alot of the time for no one would put pressure on me and here I would feel comfortable to be myself.

And just like that, my teenage and early adulthood years have happened in a lonely safe mode. It wasn’t until my campus years, after struggling with a shaky self concept, that my talents and abilities started to show. These following painful existential questioning and depression.

I started to discover things that I could do and had no idea of before. My mind was now flowing with creativity and a desire to be ME and nothing else. My flaws showed as well but we are told to play to our strengths and let go off what we cannot change. In short, my strue self started popping and I have been enjoying the process ever since.

The thing is that, I spent my entire life focussing on my flaws and how best I can fix them and why?

There are some things in life that are simply out of your control.

Negativity I say. As expected, I poured negativity onto the world around me and kept colliding with people. Life is bitter and scary when you are living on its negative side. Both negative and positive sides exist for everyone no matter the situation you are in. It is just a matter of which side you choose to face.

Funny thing is that when you are inside your cocoon of negative vibration, outside here life kicks on. Life goes on wether yours is happening or not. Think about that before you hold yourself hostage to self-sabotage. Its very important to be present in life. That is how people create beautiful memmories. The kind that you are grateful they happened rather than bitter they did.

Here are some few hacks to living a life of purpose and creating those beautiful memmories you’ve been yearning for;

✓ Create a circle of friends – Friends are the people we share memmories with. A circle of friends doesn’t have to be a crew or a crowd. Two or three people you click with can create wild adventures together with you. Be very open and transparent with each other. Never hold yourself back. And when you find that you have to hold yourself back with these guys, maybe they aren’t the right ones for you.

✓Find things you love doing (and do them) – Don’t worry if you find that you are the only one who likes doing these things and you come off as a weird person. Like going for long walks alone, just do them😂😗. Eventually you will find mates. That is how you discover friends who love the things you also love.

✓End toxic relationships- – Toxic is toxic dear friend. Doesn’t matter who they are. Wether they are family or lifelong friends. Do not let anyone invade your positive energy. If you cannot end that relationship, then it is time to limit it. Put boundaries so that you may find your peace.

✓Take time for yourself – Sounds odd! Taking time for ourselves helps us create and fill our cups so that we can give unto the world. True wisdom lies not in the world but deep down in our souls. Taking time to focus on our inner selves, meditate if possible, nourishes our spirits so that we are happy and ready to share with the world.

Bye bye for now guys. Don’t forget to leave a comment and like this post. Keep visiting this website.

Also introducing YOUR STORY segment. Do you have a story you wanna share with the world?
Hit me up and share it on this website; ambogadoug@yahoo.com


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