I drafted this piece then rewarded myself with some social media strolling-spree time before I settled down to typing and editing it. While at it I bumped into a joke that goes like: The relationship between fish and water makes me come to terms with the fact that betrayal is real when I see water participating in cooking the fish. Okay!..–pause–. See, procrastination pays off after all.
A lot of times people label their old friends ‘fake’ simply because that friendship came to an unanticipated stop or technically faded over time. The thing is that, in many cases, no one is to blame… but you of course. I mean you got too attached and invested in a friendship that was merely doing its time. Or better still, if someone has to be blamed then it’d be both of you; for not coming up with a longevity framework in your jolly days. But no one is to blame because friendships have existed since Adam and so has their dynamics.
Friendship Dynamic: Not all of them are going to last forever. Most friendships are built on the basis of a shared interest at that moment in time, which is okay. No one is at fault for grabbing a conversation with the lady seated next to the window on a long train journey across the country. Makes the journey a lil’ bit more interesting… or would you rather have done a 7hr voyage while listening to your boring playlist over and over? –pause–. Yeah I thought so too.
Then in the next instant you guys no longer share a train ride and you are just ‘a guy I met on the train.’ And when the time is right, the Lord will make the thing happen. It’s a joke but you follow, right?
So basically my point is that, a common interest is what binds friendships. Even family is bound together by blood, a long-term interest.
We went to Uni together. We probably never had anything we shared save for school work. I graduated or quit school and went back to my life. You also went your own separate way. I am not fake. Neither are you. That’s just how they work buddy, you know. The dice of life has to keep on rolling and so does the friendships that give it motion. Some roll with it for long enough, some may become what soldiers call ‘collateral damage.’ Happened and now not happening anymore. Memories. Thanks though. It was all real while it lasted. The loyalty, good vibes and the secrets shared must remain even now that it’s merely a memory. Don’t be a disgusting human being.
My point is though: Stop holding people hostage to your expectations and resentment. If you intend to keep a certain friendship for the longest time then alot more has to be shared beyond just being work buddies or schoolies. (When I was in campus, 98% of my friends, I never knew their parent’s name leave alone ever meeting them.) And that has to be a two-way effort. If the effort is not being reciprocated, then one person is sure to be left lavishing in resentment.
Often times you see this coming but you are too consumed in making it work than just enjoying its time. If it’s destined for longevity then you wouldn’t even be trying. If you are a giver, then give your all and cut the expectations. Let that just be how you roll.
Any way, don’t part ways with people on bad terms. Wish them well and focus on your next phase of life. Your next adventure. The world is a small town. And too rocky for paths to be straight. Fate is a funny intertwiner. You never know where that crook on y’all lines will intersect them. Hope you guys bump into each other with a warm smile and an itch to embrace each other 3 or 26 years from now at the train station. Huh! Honestly I love trains.
Learn the dynamics of friendships. Know which ones are doing a marathon and which ones are simply doing a sprint and will be gone in a flash. Enjoy their time and make sure you get your fair share of of the benefit that every friendship comes with. We are social beings. Social connections a.k.a Friendships are meant to supplement and nourish our wellbeing. They should be a give-and-take. If not, you are getting used or you are using that person, in this context, depending on which side you are on.
Stop holding people hostage to your expectations and neediness. Fix yourself. Grow up.